Nurturing children to ask questions is critical for development. Not only does it promote critical thinking but it also builds confidence. And you know we are all about building confidence in our kids.
We do our best to stay away from the “because I said so” response. But I can’t lie, it’s an easy go-to in moments when you simply need their cooperation and can’t be bothered with any more questions. But if it slips out, we correct it, along with an explanation. They deserve to understand why we are asking them to do something, and they certainly can’t learn about the world around them if they don’t ask about the things they don’t know or understand.
It’s important to nurture and embrace their questioning because it helps with cognitive development – how they think, explore and make decisions.
Recently I reserved 10 books from our local library for the kids. Baby girl’s favorite among them is Ada Twist, Scientist. It’s about a curious little girl who has an endless list of questions on her quest to become a scientist. Her parents’ initial reactions were of frustration, but slowly they learned to embrace her curiosity and nurture her development.
When I asked baby girl why she loves this book so much she said, “Because Ada asks a lot of questions, just like me!”
A few days ago she asked, “What is a habit?” Simone explained that “A habit is something that you do over and over again. There are good habits and there are bad habits.” Baby girl chimed in and said “Bad habits are like biting your fingernails.”, a habit she picked up for a while until we encouraged her to stop.
I then gave her an example of a good habit. I told her that she always asks questions and that’s a really good habit to have. Always ask questions! She smiled.
Asking questions helps children in so many ways. There are 4 that we find particularly important.
1. Sparks Their Curiosity
According to this article in Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development (free with library card), research has shown that asking questions improves their cognitive development. As they age, it sparks their curiosity and thirst for learning. We try to always answer baby girl’s questions, even though sometimes I know she’s just asking so that she can use her favorite word “why”.
2. Find Their Voice
We want to develop children who feel confident to ask questions. Being confident enough not only to ask us questions but to ask questions of others also. We often tell baby girl to be brave. It’s one of the things we would say to her before she went to school each day. Be kind, be a good listener, be brave. That combination can take her very far.
3. Problem Solving
Asking questions helps them make sense of the world. We actually go into great detail to ensure she understands for her learning level. I do this because comprehension is key to problem solving, but also for another reason. The more they understand, they will begin to formulate their own conclusions. We want them to be independent thinkers and not just go along with the flow because it’s the way others think.
4. Builds Trust
Building a close relationship with my kids has always been critically important to me. I want them to know that I’m approachable, here to listen and always available to try and answer their questions or point them in the right direction. There’s no question too big or too small. If they are comfortable talking to me about anything now, my hope is that it continues into the teenage years and we continue to have open and honest conversations.
Nurturing children to ask questions is the first step in helping them critically think about the world.
And intentionally starting at a young age will hopefully lead them on a quest of discovery. That’s why “Because I said so” just doesn’t work for us. We don’t want to silence them. We want them to be curious, confident in their voice, to look at things critically, and depend on us to provide them with guidance. Asking questions is one way to do this. And they can ask us anything, as long as they do so respectfully.
Were you encouraged to ask questions as a child? Let us know your thoughts on this parenting approach.
With Intention,
Sean and Simone
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I’m so guilty of saying “because I said so”. I used to hate my parents using that on me, and here I am doing it to my kids. I know if I ever questioned an order from my parents with “why”, I’d be asking for trouble.
We do try to break down what’s going on when our kids ask us a question. When they start fighting with each other, I make them stop and explain why they are upset or have upset their sibling. Having them stop and talk about it is usually enough to calm them down and diffuse the fight.
I never knew how awesome it would be when my kids started bombarding me with questions about the world. I love explaining the workings of the world to my kids. Some of the things we talk about are amazing, especially history and their culture. This year has been tougher explaining the world to my 7 year old, as she’s been asking tough questions about politics, masks, why people are protesting cops, etc. I tell her the truth (my truth at least) of it. My wife doesn’t agree with me on being so blunt, but I figure, if they’re asking the question they’re ready for the answer. Someone is going to tell them something eventually. Might as well be me.
Noel, we dared NOT ask why. That’s why we are trying to take a different approach. We aren’t always successful though.
That’s a great practice with encouraging them to express their feelings in moments of contention. I love that intention. Because fights will definitely occur but its nice that you are teaching them how to talk through their frustrations. It’s so important for emotional maturity. Bottled up anger leads to rage.
You and your wife sound like Simone and me regarding the realities of the world. Ours are too young now but believe me, they’ll get the real deal. Baby girl already get a dose at 3, age appropriate of course. But like you said, we have to prepare them and no better than us to do so. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. We appreciate you!
Haha as someone without kids, it sounds exhausting! But encouraging their curiosity can only help them in the long run. Good for you! As for the trust component, I wonder how damaging the Santa Claus bit is this time of year. What an enormous lie to go around telling kids! But that’s another conversation…
IF, I am laughing at the Santa Claus lie! LOL. Oh thank you for the morning chuckle. We don’t participate in the Santa Claus fable. We don’t outright crush the fantasy, but we don’t participate in it either. But defintely another conversation for another time.
Their questions ARE exhausting. LOL. It’s defintely not easy, that’s why it take SO MUCH intention. 🙂
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